The Subtle Whispers of Organized Chaos
by willread4books
Summary: AH. Edward drinks himself stupid over the unrequited love of his old best friend. He has sex with random guys at clubs and feels ashamed every morning after. Things might just look up if he'd pray afterwards. Ed/unrequited Em  Ed/Jacob


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, let's just say I'd have some serious slash going on. :]

A/N: This is AU, AH & unbeated. Edward is really short in this because I think short guys are adorable. If you're bothered by his lack of height just make him taller in your mind. This fic was posted on my FP and Mibba with original characters so I haven't stolen my own work (just in case this story has been read before). All mistakes are mine.

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><p>Edward didn't pray on those nights.<p>

Those few nights that were becoming more frequent where he went to a bar and drunk himself into oblivion.

Whether he woke in another's bed or had somehow managed to get himself to his apartment, he didn't pray.

He was ashamed on those nights when he became weak and drank away the pain of his insecurities. Just before he left to another nameless club, he'd stare at the mirror while the faults and flaws exposed themselves. Edward supposed he wasn't much to look at, standing at the disappointing height of 5'4 with standard brown hair and green eyes.

No, not much at all.

But the alcohol took the burn of knowing he was skimmed over and tossed to the side when in a crowd of people. He supposed being cursed with the burden of being one of "them" didn't help.

The thoughts of "_I like the way that shirt spreads over his shoulders."_or "_I wonder how big he is?"_started the summer after his fifteen birthday. It really had begun subtly before that summer but he acknowledged it, in his mind, as the turning point. Although, he had realized by fourteen that while girls could be pretty, he never wanted to bed any of them.

It was the best and worst time of his life after he met him.

The Whitlock-McCarty family had moved in during winter but Edward's family never got around to introducing themselves until summertime. One humid afternoon of sharing pitchers of lemonade and cooling off in a pool in the Whitlock-McCarty's backyard had the two families inseparable.

Jasper Whitlock was the father of the family and in the Army. Jessica McCarty was the mother and had entered the marriage with her two daughters and son. The Army had rerouted them to Savannah, Georgia.

It tickled Edward pink (if it didn't make him turn to a bottle of Scotch) when he remembered how after meeting the Whitlock-McCarty family, his mother tried making a love connection .

"_That Bella and Alice were pretty weren't they?" Esme Cullen asked, walking from the new neighbor's house with her husband and son._

"_Mom, they're like 12 and 13. Go ahead and put the handcuffs on me now." Fifteen year old Edward told his parents on the short path home_. He could recall the reply even now after six years.

What he had really been thinking about was the eldest Whitlock-McCarty child.

Emmett was the handsomest boy, no man, Edward had been blessed to see. The 18 years on Earth had done him good.

He had thick chestnut brown hair that lay beautifully across his forehead, curved behind his ear, and ended at the nape of his neck. His eyes were blue, but Edward swore up and down that half the time Emmett's eyes were different shades of blue if the light hit them just right. Emmett's frame was more than impressive at 6'5 and his muscular body was a wet dream of Michelangelo's. The eight pack Edward had witnessed as Emmett took his shirt off to get into the pool was enough for Edward to squirm and bite his lip raw (when he was alone in the safe confines of his own room, that is). Not to mention the huge imprint of Emmett's umm… situation as he exited the pool and his swim shorts clung to him shamelessly. That scene had left Edward feeling inadequate for days while he stared at his own situation in the shower.

But the absolute best thing about Emmett was his smile. He had a space in between two of his teeth on the bottom row and he had a deep dimple in both of his cheeks.

He was simply beautiful.

Edward wasn't the only one to think so, seeing as he had never seen Emmett without a girlfriend. Even when Emmett had first moved to Savannah, he'd mention something about a girl he had waiting for him "back home". Back home could have been anywhere since Emmett's stepfather was constantly moving the family to any and everywhere.

Emmett wasn't the faithful type though. Edward quickly learned that when not even four days after hearing about Emmett's girl "back home", Emmett had already had sex with 2 girls in their neighborhood and was calling another random girl his "babe".

None of Emmett's "girlfriends" lasted more than a week at most. A few rare ones stuck around to a two week mark. Sometimes he got hope from how quickly Emmett ended relationships with girls but it nauseated Edward when Emmett told of his exploits with girls.

Then Rosalie came around.

And she stayed after the two week mark.

Emmett didn't tell Edward all the gory details of their sexual escapades. He actually didn't tell Edward of a single one.

That was when Edward had become worried.

She was perfect for him, complimented him in the looks department perfectly, and made him wait before they had sex (which had to have been difficult for the brunette to maintain.) Edward had seen plenty of texts sent from Emmett's phone to Rosalie's (although Edward tries not to admit to himself he snooped), where the muscular man seemed desperate to consummate their relationship.

The small boy's heart shattered when the couple flirted and teased each other in front of him but he would rather be friends than nothing at all with Emmett. It was difficult being 15, gay, and in love with his older best friend who'd never return the feelings. Hell on Earth was what you'd see if you had looked into his head then.

The drinking had probably started when Em went to University during Edward's sophomore year. He hid it well but drowned in the poison each night. Edward noticed how the texts became less and less frequent as months went on until they completely stopped in December. They had never used another form of communication (that wasn't in person) except for a few phone calls throughout their friendship.

Now that all stopped.

Emmett had become a stranger to the smaller brunette boy and forgot he even had Edward's number in his phone as time went on. The day when Emmett got another phone, he only had his parent's number memorized and figured he'd get his old contacts back within time. (Edward didn't make the cut, apparently.)

Edward had tried to sexually save himself for his old best friend when he was still in high school but realized it was a lost effort since no straight man wants another dude.

And Emmett was most definitely straight.

He remembered the conversation he had with the tall man one day he was visiting his house during that summer they met.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_Bella, Alice, Emmett, and Edward were watching a show when two of the male characters kissed. Edward shifted uncomfortably while the sisters squealed over the hot gay guys._

"_I can't believe you idiots are drooling over fags! Have all the little fantasies about them doing it but it'll always end in Aids," Emmett grumbled darkly on the couch._

"_Ewww." Bella said while Alice changed the channel._

_Edward stayed quiet with his opinion on the subject. The thundering heartbeat in his ear was giving him a headache. He breathing shortened because his hopes and dreams had been crushed._

Edward had given up his virginity to some business man he found walking the street that night. It was painful but not as painful as feeling Emmett's disgust of him, even if he wasn't speaking directly to Edward.

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><p>Now, as Edward prepared to go out to a club, he tried to keep his memories at bay. Tonight he was determined to pray before he went to bed meaning no sex, just harmless dancing. He didn't need memories making him ready to drink until he was pissy drunk and getting fucked against a grimy restroom stall.<p>

Edward had moved to a new city a month ago and wasn't bringing the old demons with him.

He needed new scenery for a clear state of mind.

He was on the way to a club when he stopped by a café because of the ad for a dollar coffee.

If he wasn't an alcoholic, he'd be a coffee addict and that was way too good of a deal to pass up.

When the bell rang as Edward pushed the door open to the coffee shop and he gave his order of "_black coffee"_ to the barista, the feeling of eyes on his body sent a tingle of warmth through him.

Coffee was handed to him and he continued back toward the entrance/exit, but the urge to turn around overwhelmed him until he finally did.

There sat a man with that of a quarterback's build squeezed into a booth. His skin was the color a bit darker than honey. His hair was silky black and hanging down a little bit past his shoulders and his eyes sparkled amidst their black storm at Edward. The invitation to sit down was blatant for anyone to see.

Edward smiled for the first in a long time as he slid in the booth. And when the man across from returned it brighter than Edward thought possible, he knew that Emmett had been just a test.

"I'm Jacob."

Edward just smiled and smiled.

It didn't sound one bit like Emmett but he was fine with that.


End file.
